My Life

I call myself a “changeoligist” as since I was in my early 20s, I was always fascinated by people and their inability to change. I would see so many people who were stuck in a rut and seemed to not be able to change to improve their lives. I knew in my 20s that I was immature, and I could see mature people all around me, but I could not seem to be like them. I wanted so badly to be stable and to be secure, but was was extremely sensitive and everything would upset me.

In July of 1995 I was looking for a jazz station on the radio in NYC and I came across Chuck Swindoll. I found myself wanting to listen to Chuck every day. In just a few weeks I would come to pray and ask Jesus to forgive my sins and help me to find how to live for him. My story is one of failure and mistakes. I saw so many different people come to believe in Jesus and have some kind of change but I had none at all in almost 30 years. I prayed for years that God would not let me die this way, being so bitter and angry. In January of 2025 God would answer my prayer and finally I began to change. This is my story, my reflections and observations on my life as a failed believer and how God has changed me out of this failure.