In July of 1995 I was looking for a jazz station on the radio in NYC and I came across Chuck Swindoll. I found myself wanting to listen to Chuck every day. In just a few weeks I would come to pray and ask Jesus to forgive my sins and help me to find how to live for him. My story is one of failure and mistakes. I saw so many different people come to believe in Jesus and have some kind of change but I had none at all in almost 30 years. I prayed for years that God would not let me die this way, being so bitter and angry. In January of 2025 God would answer my prayer and finally I began to change. This is my story, my reflections and observations on my life as a failed believer.